Done

Sooner than later you have to come to a point were you should be done repeating yourself, hinting, or giving out clues. Obviously they aren't going to get it, if they haven't gotten it by now

I cheated....

I cheated myself of a family I always wanted.....

I cheated myself of the wedding I've always dreamed of.....

I cheated myself of a love I knew I deserved.....

I cheated myself of the marriage I always hoped for.....

Now I have to learn to FULLY forgive myself. To love me enough to tell myself it's alright.

I cheated.

Now I can have a second chance to try it one more time. I have 1 more chance to get it right. I know I shouldn't model my life after a fairytale or movie, but it will be my very own.

I want the love so true it lasts forever. I want the beautiful ring that's Taylor made just for me. The beautiful dress that melts against my chocalte skin. The smile of love and happiness that shines for eternity. And the tears of joy on my future husband's face as I walk through those doors and down the isle, as he feels he's blessed to have me just as I to have him.

I want to make it right.....if not for myself but for God and my daughter.

I just have to.

Separation and Self evaluation

I'm 25, married, and have a 2 month old beautiful baby girl. Currently I am separated from my husband. Do I love him? Yes I do, very much so. Did I feel that separating from him was necessary? Yes I did.I wont go into detail as to what caused the separation because my blogging experience is not about him or to speak bad about him, but to see change and growth within myself.

We've been separated for about 2 weeks now, and today I realized something about myself, I do not like to be alone. I mean, I want a companion. This is something I realized I didn't like about myself. I want to be perfectly comfortable by myself. It's ok to want or enjoy a companionship, but it's also good to be comfortable and fine without it. I want to be closer to God, want to learn to, solely rely on him for my spiritual needs.

* Disclaimer*
Please forgive me, as my blogging may be all over the place, I Am just writing how the thoughts are in my head

During this separation its allowing me to see a lot about myself and the 1st thing I want to change, is me beginning to be comfortable alone. Do I miss my husband? YES! Do I miss his touch And kiss? YES! But was this separation necessary? Yes.

I am also learning how incredibly strong I am. Yes I have my moments when I'm weak but I'm strong. I'm especially strong for my little girl. I want the best example for her. Some may not agree with the choice that I made but thats ok, because I did not make the decision for their approval. I did it for me and for my little girl. And ultimately I did it for my husband so he can see what was hard for him to see while I was home.

Do I want our marriage to work? Yes of course I do. Do I want to divorce? No not at all. Do I have a feeling that it may not go how I want? Yes that is a fear of mine. Am I ready and willing to do what it takes to make it better and fix the issues? Yes I am, but its a 2 way street. Talk is great but actions must follow. I cant do it I alone.

Mii Dream

Ever since I could remember I've always wanted to sing. Singing was my passion b4 all. My mom was my inspiration , she did so much, was on Tv, went to Europe, recorded in the studio. I wanted to be just like her. But realize that the power of the tongue cuts deeper than any sword. So much NON-support in my love for singing shyed that side of me away.....That's when dance peeked its head.
So much passion I put into my dancing, it's writting all over my face whenever I dance but NEVER will I forget my 1st love. SINGING. As my writing progressed Mii Dream came back and now I will do whatever I have to do to help it grow. God has blessed me with song, dance AND lyrical ablilities and now its up to me to make it blossom. The few people that really know me dont really understand just how passionate I feel about my singing.
This is Mii Dream
A dream that I won't let die
Mii Dream